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What does adopting a pickled onion entail?

For £7.99 you get to rescue your own onion and adopt it for a year.

The Pickle Police will retrieve your onion from its tragic situation, your relieved onion will then be sent to a retreat to recover and where he or she will receive counselling and advice on how to adapt to life on the outside.

Included in the package, depending on the occasion, will be a relevant greeting card, a glossy picture of the much happier pickled onion in their new life – detailing where they were rescued from – along with an Adoption Certificate.